Game Onion

ET Game Found in Desert

2007-03-26T22:34:00.000-07:00

Within the gaming industry there is an old legend. E.T. The Extra-Terrestrial was a game made for the Atari 2600... and its sales were dismal. Diabolical actually. So when the stores returned all of their copies to the publisher they needed somewhere to put them. A conveniently dug hole in the desert was chosen for the truckloads of cartridges, but the location was obviously kept a closely guarded secret. But it seems now the burial site has been discovered due to a patch of desert flowers. You see desert flowers like to grow in high silicone soil and electronic components, such as those found in a video game cartridge, over time revert back to silicone sand. Put the two together and bingo! We now have a patch of irregularly large desert flowers marking the spot. For now the site has been left untouched, but if the nature-nazi's get wind of this... Atari could find themselves in some trouble.

Duke Nukem Forever Reaches 2100 Years in Development

2007-03-20T20:49:00.000-07:00

Today marks another milestone for "Duke Nukem Forever", being the 2100th anniversary of the day the project officially started.
Here is an image from just a few weeks later, (when Moses still worked for GT Interactive,) of the great designer himself holding the binder with the project details inside. It was a sad day for the company - and the game - when Moses decided to leave the country for pastures new. We can only hope the game is dedicated to his memory and is of the quality his original vision deserves.
Good Luck Duke! Don't make us wait too much longer.

MySpace: The Game

2007-03-20T19:38:00.000-07:00

Just announced today is "MySpace: The Game", coming to every conceivable format you can think of... even the GameBoy Color!
While features vary from console to console, you can see that those with camera accessories, (such as the Xbox 360, PlayStation 2 and indeed the GameBoy,) will have one mode with an objective to take a picture of yourself which makes you look way more attractive than you really are. Bonus points are awarded for shots from high angles.
More details as they come in.

Projected Nintendo Wii Sales

2007-03-19T22:21:00.000-07:00

At gameonion, we really do not like to speculate.

Now that that is out of the way, allow us to speculate. According to this article: http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/16115967/, the Wii sold 600,000 consoles in the first 8 days after launch. At first, we were not impressed. But then our science department decided to work out the numbers to see where the Wii will stand over time. This is when our jaws dropped.

Normally when reading console sales projections, one realizes they are just guesses. Unless you have a graph to back you up. Which we do.

By December of 2012, there will have been 139,800,000 Wiis sold. Not impressed yet? That is in the state of Pennsylvania alone. Worldwide, the sales will be about 985,564,462,000,165 consoles. Of course these are not counting black market sales.

Motion Controller for GameCube?

2007-03-19T22:18:00.000-07:00

It seems that Nintendo have decided to keep their, (previously-thought-dead,) GameCube platform going as a budget alternative - and will be launching a motion-based controller to help developers port their Wii titles!

Take a look at this exclusive footage and note the wireless interaction with the GameCube dev-unit in the background:

Rumors that there are already motion control hooks in Zelda : Twilight Princess (GC) are at this point unconfirmed.

Gears of War on More Platforms?

2007-03-19T21:49:00.000-07:00

In a move unprecedented by any gaming companies for more than a decade, Gears of War apparently has been ported to another system. The big surprise is that system is none other than the Super Nintendo Entertainment System.

A completely shocking choice but what can one say except for "Why didn't I think of that?". Unknown to most, but the full power of the SNES has never really been tapped into. Until now. We are not going to BS everyone and say that this port is better than the 360 version, but damn is it close.

Visually, it is impossible to tell the difference. The only thing that really separates the two is the frame rate. While both run at 60 fps, the SNES version can drop to 20 fps when the going gets tough. Although this can make a player lose the immersion, it is still a great game.

Readers let us hear your review of the ported game.

Dog the Bounty Hunter unveiled for the Wii

2007-03-19T19:05:00.001-07:00

C'mon bra! Have you ever wanted to scream "FREEZE MOTHER******" like the wild-maned leather-chapped renegade Duane "Dog" Chapman, spray punks in the face with mace, and pump your virtual fists in glorious victory? Your day has finally come.

Nintendo's in-house developer team has signed a contract with Mr. Chapman himself to bring all the prime-time cablefied redneck antics to the Wii. According to the executive producer Shwin Bik "As soon as we had the opportunity to approach [Mr. Chapman] his eyes bulged out and he said 'Hell yea bra!'"

He continued "We've actually had to re-work our animation rigging to incorporate Beth's(Dog's Wife and fellow ass-kicker) extraordinarily large "upper body" with never-before-seen likeness to their real life counterparts."

Some of the rumored features include squeezing the trigger on a virtual mace bottle, punching rowdy alcoholics in the throat, and slapping your fellow bounty hunter a high five after a long day nabbing fugitives.

Look for this game in the fall of 2010. The funding is limited for this project because most proceeds from the hit television show goes to rare Malaysian Goat milk that makes Dog's glorious golden locks flow like the Mississippi.

Apple to Release "Mac Z" Gaming Platform

2007-03-19T18:09:00.000-07:00

When we received a very mysterious invitation from Apple to come check out a new product we were a bit confused. Why would Apple want us at GameOnion to look at one of their products? I mean we are the #1 Video Game News Source, but Apple does not make games or consoles.

Until now. We were completely shocked to see the new Apple Mac Z. This machine is amazing. At every detail of this machine we were just blown away. We are not allowed to divulge too many details at this point, but we were able to obtain permission to show these pictures from their marketing department.

From the pictures we were able to obtain, you can witness their unique styling in every product they make. In the case of the Mac Z, they went for more of a retro look with a nice progressive twist. If you look closely, you will notice they went all out with the retro look. They have a DVD burner disguised as 3.5" floppy drive and a ethernet port disguised as a phone jack. Those clever little dudes!

We were able to witness this machine running Half Life 2 like a dream. The Mac Z topped out at about 120 fps for HL2 and we were promised that by ship time, there would be significant increases in that number. That brings up another interesting thing about the Mac Z. Shipping date. This is unknown at this time, but if we had to guess based on their progress so far, we would say 2nd quarter of 2008. As for the cost, we have no idea.

Game Onion Launches

2007-03-10T17:16:00.000-08:00

Welcome to the new Game Onion. The #1 Video Game News Source ever. In the world. and universe.